Toast masters ice breaking speech

Сегодня я произнес первую речь на курсах публичного вещания. Тренировочное время - около 4 минут, перед публикой - почти 8 с половиной. Есть над чем работать :-)

Living in a fairy tale

Everybody feels like being in a wrong box sometimes. Life seems disappointing those days, nothing makes you happy for long, and usual things seem boring and even irritating. I am going to tell you what I do to survive during those periods of time. «Living in a fairy tale for fun and profit», as it would be called in a cheesy glossy magazine article.

First step to cartoonish vision of life is our secret thoughts. Everybody has them. Imagine a situation, when your boring neighbor comes and mumbles asking you to lend him some pineapple stripes. You love them so much, and there is only one can in your fridge, so you say: «I have not got any», thinking: «Go away faster so I could enjoy having a piece of my treasure».

Next, you understand that just words are not enough, and imagine funny pictures with surrounding people. For example, fat boss can miss Ethernet wires and fall on the floor right in front of your imagination, squashing mud on a spotless carpet with his pig nose.

Once, our manager left his workplace early, when we should stay longer with my co-worker. An idea came instantly. We got a ball from his mouse, and hidden it somewhere in the office, leaving him a chain of puzzles giving clues on where to look for the next link. «Like in a good detective story» — we call it. Pity, the next day our designer came early and found one of the last clues in her scanner, so lucky Andy got his mouse working very quickly.

Cartoon characters attract me with their superhuman abilities. They survive after being squashed with 2K ton block, they can walk into a drawn hole, drive an imaginary bike (everyone hates this frog already, I believe?)

Unfortunately, real life is cruel. We are just humans, and have no wings, can not run faster than train, we got serious injuries falling from height.

However, there is still something we can do about it. Look at parkour guys — they move like a fluid, just incredible. After some drill, you could also do some of their tricks. All you need is a strong will.

But what I miss most is ability to fly. I would sacrifice anything, whatever price was assigned. I would also accept it in any kind, being it butterfly wings, or a powder like Peter Pen's, or witches broom (which I have already mastered in my dreams).

By the way, I attended flying courses, and soared on a sailplane, so I know exactly how it feels, when you fly with birds: a takeoff, navigation, figures and landing in various conditions. Fabulous, believe me.

I often imagine myself living in a fable. My girlfriend looks pretty much like a fairy tale princess, so it's not difficult for me to imagine myself as a dragon, or a brave knight (I ride a bicycle that would play a horse, also I am saber fencer and skilled archer in my real life).

It is always different story I dwell in. Knowledge of Unix helps me to find fun in my work, pretending a smart geek sometimes, discovering new technologies, solving puzzles, discharging traps and finding backdoors in systems.

As you see, there are many ways to add some color to a grey canvas of a rainy Wednesday. Next time you feel bored, or tired, with no hope of being happy ever again, follow my advice. Relax and imagine, what's missing in the reality. What would you do, if you could do everything. Add some humor sense — and voila, next favorite Sunday Disney cartoon right here, right now, starring you, and no disappointment around.